SHADES OF GRAY

It was drizzling and Razia was sitting on a swing sheltered by leafy ivy creepers in her comely garden. As the rain pattered down gently on the roses nearby, she was preoccupied with the memories of Yakut, her first crush during college days. Yakut, the smart and handsome dancer and debater, was the heartthrob of many a girls. Razia had the chance to meet him serendipitously during a debate session, where she opposed him slam-bang. Was it coup de foudre?? That she never found out and for a few days she lived in a world of tranquillity, filling up the brim of her thoughts with Yakut – his exploits, finesse, and sense of humour. She always believed that her prince charming could only be found in King Arthur’s court and was indeed surprised beyond words to discover someone who could rekindle the suppressed fire in her heart.

Day in and day out, she waited yearning to advance forward, to express her feelings to him – but the fear of denial hindered her furtherance. She was perturbed by these negative emotions which were in fact quite new to her. Right from childhood she has been the one who fought her own battles, to be the first one to move to action, to lead from the front. Still the idea of rejection dreaded her entirely. Every conversation she had with him soared her hopes tremendously. Finally she made up her mind to convey her affection for him.

Truth then struck her as a bolt from the blue. Ridiculed and abashed by the response she received, she shattered into the world of reality. Ashamed and depressed, she had the tendency to give up her life and be freed from the complex, crooked world.

It continued to pour gently, and Razia thanked Saran for the day she is still witnessing today. Saran, her best friend since childhood, has remained the ray of light in the darkness – standing by her during the times of tide and floods. She was the pillar upon which Razia slumped. Razia took the incident dearer to her heart and was devastated. Saran made her realise that life is not merely a bed of roses, but also a thorny bush of adversities knocking the door every moment. It is with passion, courage of conviction and strong sense of self that one should take one’s first step ahead. And that passion should be the torch that flames one’s heart to live a life of fulfilment.

This reminded her of the road she has not taken and a kind smile spread on her face as she looked into the sky, thanking god for giving her a second chance.

Thoughts rushed to her mind, and she wrote:

When my aspirations were crushed and trampled,
When my defeated dreams became smouldering ashes,
O my friend, you were there as my stepping stone,
Hiding those injuries I inflicted, and cleaning up mine,
How could I ever thank you enough, for what you have given is not just an existence but my life?
Wish if I could have been the same for you……
Helpless as I am now, I sit here praying to god that “May your soul Rest in Peace”.