SHADES OF GRAY

It was drizzling and Razia was sitting on a swing sheltered by leafy ivy creepers in her comely garden. As the rain pattered down gently on the roses nearby, she was preoccupied with the memories of Yakut, her first crush during college days. Yakut, the smart and handsome dancer and debater, was the heartthrob of many a girls. Razia had the chance to meet him serendipitously during a debate session, where she opposed him slam-bang. Was it coup de foudre?? That she never found out and for a few days she lived in a world of tranquillity, filling up the brim of her thoughts with Yakut – his exploits, finesse, and sense of humour. She always believed that her prince charming could only be found in King Arthur’s court and was indeed surprised beyond words to discover someone who could rekindle the suppressed fire in her heart.

Day in and day out, she waited yearning to advance forward, to express her feelings to him – but the fear of denial hindered her furtherance. She was perturbed by these negative emotions which were in fact quite new to her. Right from childhood she has been the one who fought her own battles, to be the first one to move to action, to lead from the front. Still the idea of rejection dreaded her entirely. Every conversation she had with him soared her hopes tremendously. Finally she made up her mind to convey her affection for him.

Truth then struck her as a bolt from the blue. Ridiculed and abashed by the response she received, she shattered into the world of reality. Ashamed and depressed, she had the tendency to give up her life and be freed from the complex, crooked world.

It continued to pour gently, and Razia thanked Saran for the day she is still witnessing today. Saran, her best friend since childhood, has remained the ray of light in the darkness – standing by her during the times of tide and floods. She was the pillar upon which Razia slumped. Razia took the incident dearer to her heart and was devastated. Saran made her realise that life is not merely a bed of roses, but also a thorny bush of adversities knocking the door every moment. It is with passion, courage of conviction and strong sense of self that one should take one’s first step ahead. And that passion should be the torch that flames one’s heart to live a life of fulfilment.

This reminded her of the road she has not taken and a kind smile spread on her face as she looked into the sky, thanking god for giving her a second chance.

Thoughts rushed to her mind, and she wrote:

When my aspirations were crushed and trampled,
When my defeated dreams became smouldering ashes,
O my friend, you were there as my stepping stone,
Hiding those injuries I inflicted, and cleaning up mine,
How could I ever thank you enough, for what you have given is not just an existence but my life?
Wish if I could have been the same for you……
Helpless as I am now, I sit here praying to god that “May your soul Rest in Peace”.

Lost in you!!!

I fear the daybreak as it wakes me from dreams of you,
What wouldn’t I give for them to be so true;

Yet love the day, as it brings me closer to you,
I feel a warmth seeping through;

My heart skips a beat, as my eyes rest on you,
Thrilled by the chilling air that just blew;

Hiding those blushes as my cheeks turn red,
Counting my pulse I slowly tread;

As I watch you daily from behind the screens,
I wait for that one fulfilling glimpse;

That innocent smile that spreads on your face,
Drives my nerves to a state of craze;

Today I stand with my hands stretched,
See how your name is in every vein etched;

Wish I could convey these feelings to you,
But scared that I will lose the friendship that just grew;

Every thought of you fills my tiny little heart,
With your image carved even though we are miles apart;

Wiping the tears gushing down from my eyes,
I wonder if you could hear my silent cries;

Why can’t you read my eyes and remove my grief?
And stand by me for however brief?

This never happened before and entirely new,
Will you ever understand this, ‘coz I am totally lost in you!!

On a journey of self realisation…………….

6 years back when my parents asked me to take up engineering as my career, I had no clue of it. I was clueless on the other fields too….. I haven’t decided my career then.
And then I spent 6 years on an endless struggle, trying to figure out the essence of engineering, trying to wake up that sleeping Einstein in me, not to create something new - but to understand what is existing; not to wait for an original idea – but to hasten up my process of learning.
In spite of coming from a line of engineers (-all my cousins), I was always a fish out of water in their presence, as they habitually discussed in their technical jargon.
In college, I met a variety of geeks, ‘cool dudes’, mediocre etc. – they all had a passion for engineering, which I lack.
As a child, I was that one who never worried about why’s and how’s of science; I was so awed by it that I never bothered myself with the reasoning behind it.

So the time is ripe enough for me to steer away in a different direction, to unriddle my complexities and find a new passion in my life..

Bored to death is it with my story? Well that’s what I felt when I was forced to learn “electricity and magnetism from NCERT and HC Verma”!! – and yeah these are my “unspoken reflections” 

English Blues

There are instances in life when you love doing something and hence try excelling and perfecting it. A similar situation occurred with English being my newly found love. Thinking that English is very necessary to improve my skills in dealing with people, I started various activities like blogging, reading, etc. Simplicity defines an engineer. No engineer likes to have complexities in any design, program or circuit. Not that we don’t understand but we simply avoid it. Whereas in a language the more complex a phrase is the more interesting it is. Here comes the art of deciphering the real meaning to a verbally complicated sentence. For example, look at this sentence:

“I am a narcissist and you are my alter-ego.” – is just a classy way of telling “i love you”

Imagine people communicating in this way! It could be foolish but yet it is so much fun.
Anyways if this is how English is, then I am sure that it would take a few more years (may be a decade) to master this language. Here’s is one more fascinatingly complex dialogue from V for Vendetta:

“Voilà ! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honour to meet you, and you may call me V.”
The meaning is left to the reader to guess.

A tearful adieu - seniors!

“When you get up late and realise that you are late to the class – never bunk the breakfast!! Bunk the class!!”
That was the first piece of advice given by a senior in my first year. Well such valuable suggestions were given by the seniors to the juniors – as an inheritance and are passed on for generations. Here are a few memories that throw light on the positive aspects of such phenomena -pardon me for the usage of technical terms.

It was during Technozion – 08’ - our insti's techfest,when all the civil first years (we) were running about the fourfold department, helping the seniors, volunteering for event management (quite a hi-fi name then), treasure hunt, quiz etc., thus giving a reason for the rest of our batch mates to envy us for a life time. At the end of the day, we had a sense of achievement and belongingness to the place where we are destined to study in the years to come.

I still remember those days when we had the ragging sessions on our vast lawns - had lots of fun!I was an introvert,narrow minded and suffered totally with attitude.A couple of years since I can see myself change so much(in a +ve sense);thanks to all my seniors.

Hence a small tribute to them:

When in doubt or when I fell, you stretched your helping hand,
Laughing with me and also showing me as to where I stand,
Bridging the gap by enabling to reach the profs with ease,
Explaining every trivial concept as and when I please,
Advising me on the career to be taken and path to be followed,
Internships to apply and applications to be filled,
And above all telling me that none of these are worth a life time
Whether one was there by chance or choice, one must pursue ones’ own dream!!
Speechless as there is no word that would thank you enough
And thus bidding you goodbye in the hope that one day I can be as good as you.

And finally Truth Triumphs

Long ago there lived a powerful king ruling a stable and prosperous kingdom.The people were contended and happy.The king started waging wars and extended his empire to nearby lands.He neglected the needs of his subjects and this slowly lead to a deterioration of the living standards.There was a state of unrest in the kingdom and the people were very dissatisfied.Despite knowing this, the king collected heavy taxes in order to develop the newly acquired regions.He called experts from various places around the world to execute the development.Day in and day out the experts,labourers and the people worked and finished it.One morning it started to rain and the houses,dams,roads etc., were washed away.The courtiers set a committee to enquire upon the reason behind the failure. They found out that the materials used were of inferior quality but the amount spent is higher than the actual price.Thus they understood that the king is unlawful and inefficient.The cat was out of the bag and the people knew the truth.They didn't want a felonious and irresponsible person as their king;they became united,fought against the king and finally usurped him.
In the present scenario such stories generally do not exist.But what if the people fight back to remove the corrupt ones from topnotch positions? That would set a great example for the others to follow.The metaphorically written story is just one instance for which I bore witness and truly got amazed.That was an instant when I understood the meaning of "Satyameva Jayate" - the national motto scripted on Asoka Chakra!!

Crime

Crime it is that we need to fight.
To silence those shrieks in the middle of the night.
Ten are stronger than one man's might.
Join hands and strides to trample that path of fright.

Men wronged enough in all the histories they've known.
It is time we paid for all the suffering begone.
Battle the hatred and demolish the spite.
Work in the dark tonight to wake up in a morning bright.

We are stones by hearing - not by heart!
We speak only silence, speak through the art.
Defeaned we are, muted by the God above.
Yet we spread the truth in our language of love!

PS: this was a poem written for a dance drama as an invoice of a group of deaf and dumb people - depicting evil in the society. I stumbled on this and liked it very much.

To be or not to be

Looking through the window he saw the black skies
Filled with despair and thoughtless fright
Deep inside him was warped and twisted
Didn’t realise that nobody is special and nobody’s gifted
And with too many when’s and too many why’s
He resolved it by making it his last night
We have a choice – to live or die
Every minute is a choice
Every breath is a choice
To be or not to be!!

the twinkling star!

A little girl I was when you held me by your hand
Sparing me from tumbling down and washing my wounds as I fell
Taught me to respect everyone and criticize none and
That god is there to set everything right,
Can He bring you back, for you were my very light?

Remember those summer afternoons when all of us played in the mangroves
How mischievous we were, thieving all the mangoes and hiding in the attic
You settled all those charges and yet you remained so serene and smiling.

Remember those evenings when you picked me from pre school
And took me to the building site – u made me the in charge and asked me to supervise........
Here I am on the verge of fulfilling your dream but now you are far away.

Are you still watching me as you did
When I wickedly ate all the chocolates my brother bought?
When I played all those impish pranks to upset grandma?
When I lied to escape thrashing from dad?

I miss you grandpa! – tatagaru – my guide!!
Are you still there above as that twinkling star?

PS:To my grandpa who passed away last summer.He was a pillar of strength.

Rest In Piece ??

In memory of all those who died waiting for this class to end!!

This was the only thought I had in my mind while listening (forcibly) to a totally hopeless and highly irrelevant lecture. The fear of getting an attendance shortage drove me to sit in that class. Most of my classmates were uninterested in even attempting to listen (absolute fundoos). The backbenchers were as usual cribbing about the mess food. Some were writing their lab records. Some others were looking out of the window admiring nature. Some were just gossiping and the others were drooling. A few of us were making paper boats and rockets. The hapless first benchers were taking down notes and trying hard to decipher the meaning of at least one sentence uttered by the professor. As a whole all of us were waiting for the bell to ring. The only exception was the prof. One has to admit the ingenuity of the prof., for teaching an absolutely illogical subject in the most cryptic manner possible. I am not sure how much of whatever he taught has actually sunk in. This is the trend followed in almost all the classes of a dreadful and never ending semester. To top it all, an awesome fool proof method was introduced – the daily viva voce in labs. So the one to take the viva enters majestically and starts firing questions.
An average question will be this “What are the units of strain??”

Sensible Student: “sir, it is a ratio and hence it is dimensionless”

Sir: “I know that it is a ratio but ratios are not dimensionless!!” -glares red eyed at the class for a while and then points out at a frustoo and asks him to answer the question.

Brainy student: “Sir the units are millimetre/meter”

Sir: “Wonderful! How amazing! Behold the 21st century Einstein!” there ends his questionnaire leaving all of us absolutely amazed (???).
--- state of affairs!!

Disclaimer : The article is just a figment of imagination and any resemblance is purely coincidental.

Woman or woo-man?

Democracy stands for the equitable representation of all the people including all the minorities.In spite of constituting half of the vast population of the country, women still have a long way to go for achieving an equal status to become the lawmakers. Women don’t even represent a tenth of the members in the parliament. The failure of women to produce genius of the first rank in most of the supreme forms of human effort has been used to block the way of all women of talent and ambition for intellectual achievement in a manner amusingly absurd.If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in the government to the utmost, else democracy as a government by the people and for the people would be a vestige of the vox populi.Such a thing as this questions the roots of Indian democracy.
The fight is not for the equality of conditions but for the equality of opportunity.
Unless there is an authoritative expression of the feminine in the legislature the implementation of laws as to empower them socially and economically is unrealizable.

Leader

A dream is not what you see in your sleep.......
A dream is something that doesn’t allow you to sleep!!

This is my first reaction to the movie I have longed to watch for more than a month....LEADER!!

Hope for a better future being the central theme of the movie, the story revolves around a young man destined to become the chief minister of a state. This young man is portrayed as a dynamic, virile and smart individual who was inspired by his mother to stand up for those who entrusted him with that power, to support those who depended upon him,......As she aptly puts it..........

“Prajalu chachipotunnaru raa.......rajakiyanetala meeda nammakam ledu raa...... vallaki china hope ni ivva ra!!”

Translation: People are dying, they have lost hope on all the politicians; what they need is a small hope!!

India proudly produces world’s finest engineers, doctors, managers and other highly qualified intellectuals, yet we remain as a developing country with more than 60% of the population living in the BPL (below poverty line).Change.... a small change is what we need....but there is no one out there to actually do it. This is because we are afraid....afraid to dream of doing something good and beneficial to a community. What we lack is not the availability of resources, we lack courage!! –courage to rise against oppression....... Courage is not the absence of fear; it’s the understanding that something else is more important than fear. Quoting Rabindranath Tagore “where the mind is without fear and the head is held high- into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.” - it’s time we clear the mess created by our forefathers viz., corruption, inequality, casteism, crime against children and women,.......it is time that we be the voice of the voiceless!!

It is time we make a small difference........!!

the long lost diary!

As the leaves of my long abandoned personal diary ruffled, the memories of foregone times incited me to write this relentless monologue……………...

Jan 1^st 2008, the first year of a yet to be realized tedious journey called “engineering”, I was greatly excited to discover the pervasiveness of technology and forge ahead to explore the unexplored areas…What with the 21^st century Einstein image I carried probably throughout my freshman year, I had an inner urge to try out something different, new and naïve.…….

Two years since, Jan 1^st 2010, Wisdom dawned on my ever fluttering mind and after a series of scary examinations, obscure lectures, endless assignments; my diary when opened shows just one thing: blank white sheets!!

It just means two things; either I am extremely busy to fill in my diary or I am vexed up altogether. As the former doesn’t sound appropriate, I will reassert the latter. Hence I just thought of making some changes here and there to get in touch with my old usual self and thus started afresh with my blog. I hope I fill this regularly………………..

PS: well if you are the ‘hey dude’, ’wassup?’ sort of a person you might not find anything worthwhile, as my reflections are from deep within…………………..they surely lack a bit of humour.